Memories, Forgiveness, Healing

I'm a simple person. I have no agenda. I rarely think bad of anyone. I do have thoughts of people who were mean to me for no reason I can think of. There is this guy at work Pead who is in charge of the computers. He never talks to me. It could be racist. He cheerfully greets others of his own race. Me, he just nods to. One of my buddies who works for him said he has no people skills. I know computers is a young man's game and he could be afraid. I am sure the 20 year olds at work know more about computers than he does. Senority counts. Mostly years.

I worked at another job where one man influenced a woman to dislike me. I thought I got along well with both of them. Now this is what I really don't like. Phoniness. Don't smile to my face then stab me in the back. I rather the guy at my current work who just nods to me than this man and woman.

I believe God puts me where he wants me to be. I believe there are stepping stones. My job is to be happy where I am. When I pray I feel better. When I don't, I don't feel good. I have to remember to pray not fret.

Loving one's neighbor as thyself is hard because I don't know myself. That is my biggest challenge.

My therapist said it is because of what happened to me in childhood. I got little at work the other day feeling ill. This back injury is both a blessing and a curse. If I remember to listen to it and not fret, I am ok.

I love my life, but it is hard. I am blessed but it is hard. Living is hard.

Ritual Slaughtering of Cucumbers

Houston we have a cucumber.

It is much too early. Not even July. I didn't like the looks of the inside of it. It tasted decent enough. I made and ate my first cucumber sandawhich of the 2008 Season.

Adam is in a flunk. He worked too hard on his vacation. He is exhusted and depressed about going back to work. My Saturn is in the shop again. It was just in the shop last Thursday.

The weather has been warm, rainy. Next week I am going back to work two full time days, Tuesday and Thursdays. I am happy. I plan to use the Lidocaine Patches for any pain. My MD said he would order them for me because my drugstore has been slow getting me my workman's comp meds. I am annoyed at that.

Today is my youngest son's birthday. He is 22 years old. I miss him.

Better in Paradise

I worked today, 4 hours. came home. I actually felt good. I did dishes and even swept the kitchen floor. I napped. We ordered Old Pizza for dinner. It was good.

Adam built a shed for the wood. It looks good and he worked very hard today. I am proud of him.

I am going to read magazines now, maybe a few chapeters of my novel and glance time to time at tv.

I got bitten by mosquitoes on my right leg. How annoying.

Blah in Paradise

I haven't written in a very long time. I got hurt at work. I just couldn't sit online.

Today I fell. At work. I am frustrated. Mad and worried about a ultra sound I had on Monday.


I try to think positive but it is so hard when all I get is suffering. Nothing ever works for me.

Early in Paradise

Up too early. Bad dreams. I need a new bathrobe

Did a lot yesterday. Planted. Garden decor. Read. Slept too much. Ate too much. Reruns on tv. Adam watching.

Saw Snugglesmom. She looked very pretty. Beerman over to see flowers on deck. Drunkenly told us about an "issue" He has with Snugglesmom. Poor thing. Adam said their house is a shack they live in. Beerman not Snugglesmom. Her house is beautiful and she decorates it so nice. It should be in a magazine.

I just accept neighbors.

Bugs have started. Damn!

Feeling Better in Paradise

When I got up this morning after dreams of the French Revolution and Mafia my pain was about a 4. After PT is was gone. I felt good. I went to the library and got very tired. Slept. Adam came home from work washed out from chopping wood at work. Pasta for dinner. Just don't feel like doing anything. Rainy. Lots of free stuff in mail today.

Another Monday in Paradise

Phone calls. Sleep with odd dreams. Relatively pain free day. I am just so tired. I slept like 7 hours all ready and I still haven't gone to bed yet. From 12midnight to now it has been 7 hours I slept. It was rainy. Adam said it was a beautiful October day.